Surely I'm Not An Idiot, But Only Act Like One At Times --I Stopped Taking My Cymbalta Because I Was Getting Low On It

A few weeks ago, I noticed that I was getting low on my Cymbalta medication -used for the nerve damage in my lower legs/feet and hands.  I thought I was to receive this med through the mailing pharmacy set-up by BCAR, but apparently not.  I don't understand why not, since the other drug I take for my neuropathy is prescribed by the specialist.  The specialist will only prescribe medication that pertains to my AIDS/HIV diagnosis; however, since the peripheral neuropathy in my extremities was caused by the virus, they would prescribe the meds for it as well.  Then where is my Cymbalta?   Btw, Cymbalta is also used for major depressive disorders as well as for general anxiety.  My stupid ass has waited for a month on the Cymbalta to arrive , but now I'm pretty sure that it's still at the pharmacy.  Side note -I've gone through five or six doctor/healthcare provider during the last 3 1/2 years.  I'm dizzy!  My stupid ass put off getting a Primary Care Physician because everything was taken care of by all the previous doctors.  Btw, I have a PCP now, but my first appointment is April 16th.   Now, back to the Cymbalta.  A month ago, I stopped taking it regularly without even thinking of the medical consequences -side effects!  A few weeks after stopping I started taking it every other day to make it last until I got the med in the mail (it's not coming), but now must wait till I see my PCP to get a refill.  BUT, my doctor at BCAR should have given me refills.  Idk -but I'm going to BCAR tomorrow to explain my stupid ass & see if I can get half a months worth prescribed to me.  I would just not worry till the 16th, but last week it was noticed by my mom and a few friends that I was acting very depressed -VERY DEPRESSED- so low as well as having MANIC episode after episode.  I don't recall much of it, but I believe my mom and know that she, my friends, and sister were just looking out for me.  Cymbalta only has a half life of 12 hours, which means if you skip a day your body basically goes into shock from lack of the drug.  I was skipping a week here & there, then every other day, which is SO NOT GOOD!  A doctor must wean one off such a drug, with lower a lower dosage and then possibly another drug that is easier to quit without side effects.  So, I was manic, depressed, crying, hating everything -basically I was fucked-up & I did it to myself unintentionally.  Last Friday, I began to take what's left of my the Cymbalta & hopefully I can get BCAR to prescribe me enough to get me through till I see my PCP, OR go ahead and prescribe to me like they were supposed to do anyway, since I use the Cymbalta to treat the nerve damage in my body caused by the HIV virus.  UGH!  I can't believe I let myself decide that I could handle not taking one of my meds (just because I was getting low & waiting for it to arrive in the mail) -I didn't even think about the side effects of coming off a high dosage of Cymbalta.  I'm not an idiot, but apparently enjoy acting like one.